Meet The Parents
by angelically-devilish
Summary: Remus/Hermione/Sirius - Hermione expected disaster. What she got was something else entirely.


_**Author's Note:** Right...now...has any of you ever experienced the situation when you're innocently looking through past, abandoned projects and you just happen across something that kinda demands to be finished? Well...that's what this is. *cheesy grin* I know I promised updates, but I really couldn't resist a good threesome. :-)_

_Thanks again to Amy, who puts up with my insecurities, & to the girls I call my "Brain Trust"...a lot of you don't know you're in it, but you are, whether on Twitter or here or both. A few honourable mentions include _**_GVSL, pelespen, (at)Beccy_bee, merrily_macabre, (at)mimi_intheworld, padfootsgrl79, Papplelifesaver, MoonyNZ_**_ and so many others. Thanks for being there!_

_Meg_

**

* * *

Meet the Parents**

"Will you stop fidgeting?"

"I can't help it! I'm nervous."

"I don't see what you have to be nervous about. They are normal people."

"Exactly! We're not exactly _normal_, Hermione."

"Are you _sure_ this shirt is alright?"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, you two, it's not like they _know_ about us, so for the love of Merlin, calm down or you'll give the game away!"

Hermione Granger shot daggers at the two fidgeting men that flanked her, one combing his hand relentlessly through his sexy, shaggy raven hair while the other tugged indecisively on the pale grey t-shirt that seemed to bring out the sleeping amber in his eyes. Sighing heavily, she rubbed her forehead as she wondered what had possessed her to invite both men along with her to dinner with her parents. From the dull ache that was slowly developing behind her frontal lobe, she had a feeling that it was going to be a long, eventful night.

"It's not _my_ fault I'm nervous. I've never done this sort of thing before," Sirius argued, his jaw tense as they walked down the narrow suburban street.

"Admittedly, Hermione, Sirius _is_ quite new to this, and to be honest, I haven't exactly been extended many invitations like this either," Remus added, noticing her narrowed eyes and trying his best to keep his restless hands away from his shirt.

"Right," she said, turning to face them both and putting her hands in front of her to stop them in the middle of the sidewalk, "I just want to lay down a few rules, okay? Number one, neither of my parents are going to be grilling you two because funnily enough, I didn't feel the need to explain to them that I'm shagging _two_ men, both of whom are closer to my father age than he would deem appropriate. Secondly, if you hadn't noticed, I happen to be fairly perceptive, not to mention extremely intelligent, and I'm sure _you_, being equally perceptive and intelligent wizards, have reasoned that these traits are inherited from perceptive and intelligent _parents_ who can easily detect any funny business. So if you could refrain from acting like nervous teenagers meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time, we may have a _chance_ of this dinner going smoothly. Do we have an understanding?"

Remus smiled gently.

"You'll have to excuse us, love. We care about you a great deal and we know how much your parents mean to you. Forgive us our nervousness?"

She smiled in spite of herself.

"Alright, just this once," she said, winking at her werewolf lover before looking expectantly at Sirius.

"What? Sorry. I didn't hear a word you said because your tits look magnificent in that dress," the animagus said, his grey gaze predictably glued to her chest.

"Sirius!" she hissed and he gave a deep chuckle.

"Yes, yes, alright. I'll behave. But you can't stop me from being nervous. As much as I don't mind you controlling _some_ things, kitten, my emotions are entirely out of your jurisdiction."

"More's the loss for me," she mumbled, spinning on her heel and smoothing out the skirt of her summer dress as the sun set on the hot July evening. She took a moment to collect herself, then continued down the road to her childhood home.

The arrangement between the three had started just over a year ago when an innocent masked ball and a not-so-innocent red ensemble had ensnared the two sexy Marauders in a night of unparalleled desire and passion. Well, in all honestly, _they_ had ensnared _her_, but she wasn't one to pass up an opportunity and she _definitely_ wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to enjoy all the naughty, forbidden pleasures that came from having two very different lovers.

They had come to an agreement that Sirius and Remus would share her, so when they weren't finding themselves in heated situations together, the two men switched time with the brilliant bookworm. In the time they had been together, Hermione still couldn't make an informed decision as to which man she preferred as a lover.

"Is it much farther?" Sirius grumbled, his stomach rumbling as he rubbed his hands against the classic blue jeans she had almost had to threaten him to wear.

She smiled as she remembered the adorable little pout he had given her when she had informed him that wearing leather pants to dinner with his parents was decidedly inappropriate.

"Just a bit further," she replied.

Giving the animagus a subtle once-over, she had to admit that sleeping with a reformed playboy had its advantages. Sirius was definitely quite knowledgeable in the ways of love, and he was not afraid to try new things. He never said 'no' to her, and fed her every fantasy. He was wild, unpredictable, and sexy as hell, and she knew she could always go to him with a new idea and he would give her that sinfully delicious smirk of his before proceeding to make the idea a very pleasurable reality.

"Are you sure we're not imposing on your time with your family, Hermione? We know you don't get to see them as often as you'd like," Remus asked kindly, his hand settled comfortingly on her lower back as they walked the last few yards to the pathway of the house.

"Don't be silly. I couldn't leave you two alone while I went out for a home-cooked meal. Plus," she added with a wink. "I hardly trust either of you not to make a mess of my kitchen."

Remus smiled slightly at her joke, taking a deep breath and resolving himself to be the model of decorum. The idea of Remus's unwavering chivalry made Hermione's heart tug slightly. Where Sirius was sex personified, Remus was every woman's white knight - with a darker side that made him positively scrumptious.

Remus catered to the more romantic side of Hermione, and while he was slightly more conservative than Sirius was in his bedroom behaviour, Hermione knew it was because he didn't want to tap into the darkness he tried so hard to hide 28 days of the lunar cycle. He was sweet, attentive, and physically gifted, which definitely helped. And while he did try to ebb the darkness most of the time, Hermione loved when he let himself go right before the full moon.

She always had the most amazing orgasms when he was at his most feral.

"Here we are," Hermione said as the three of them mounted the stairs of the wrap-around porch. She turned in front of the door as she felt the tension mount between the two men. "Remember what I said," she warned.

"Yeah, easy for _you_ to say, you don't have to have dinner with the parents of the woman you're shagging," Sirius mumbled, running hand through his hair for the fortieth time.

"Neither are you. Or that's what you need to _pretend_," she replied.

Sirius nodded absently, and rang the doorbell.

"How confident are you that that's actually going to work?" Remus whispered into her ear as they waited for the door to open.

"Oh, I know tonight is going to be a disaster. I just wanted to smooth the way for a bit," she replied, giving him a weak smile.

He put his hand on her shoulder and gave her a comforting squeeze.

"We don't mind leaving if things get out of hand."

"If things get out of hand, you best not leave me if you ever want sex ever again," came the clipped reply.

Both men started to chuckle but were silenced immediately by the sound of the door opening. Taking a deep breath, Hermione smiled as her mother - a petite woman with curly reddish-brown hair and laughing brown eyes - threw the door wide with a toothy grin, her arms already outstretched for her daughter.

"Welcome home!" she said, her voice soft and musical as Hermione walked straight into her mother's embrace. While a hardened warrior and valiant fighter for the side of light, Hermione knew that there was no place quite like her mother's arms.

"Hello, Mum," she replied, pulling back as both Sirius and Remus shifted uncertainly on the stoop. "Let me introduce you to my friends and housemates. Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin."

"Thank you so very much for inviting us to dinner, Mrs. Granger," Remus said politely, bowing slightly and smiling gently.

"Yes, thank you. It really is quite generous of you to share both Hermione _and_ your meal with us," Sirius said with his sexy grin, the smirk faltering slightly as he tried to swallow the grunt of pain as Hermione elbowed him squarely in the stomach.

"Well, I don't know about the meal, but I know I haven't seen Hermione so happy in a very long time, and if it's your charming influence you may have her as long as you wish," Helen replied, blushing slightly as Sirius swept down to kiss her on the hand.

"As long as I wish, eh?" Sirius murmured with a wicked wink to his lover as he straightened up, letting Remus greet Hermione's mother.

"You have a lovely home, Mrs. Granger," Remus said as they stood in the foyer, and Hermione watched him take in the curved staircase, the plush carpet, and the Louis XIV receiving table against the wall.

"Oh please, call me Helen," the older woman said. "Remus, is it?"

"Yes ma'am...er...Helen," Remus said, blushing slightly.

"Is this you trying to calm down?" Hermione whispered to him mildly as Sirius reluctantly hung his soft leather jacket on the coat rack.

"I don't know whether this has occurred to you, love, but I don't often get invited out into civilized company. Most people are afraid I'll chew on the furniture," he mumbled, and Hermione felt slightly guilty at the sight of the glint of loneliness that occasionally appeared in his eyes.

Taking his hand, she gave it a brief, supportive squeeze, before following both Helen and Sirius toward the sitting room.

"Daniel, I'd like you to meet Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. They're Hermione's housemates," Helen was saying as Hermione walked into the room. She tried to ignore the stiffening in Remus's shoulders as the two men surveyed her slightly taller, slightly broader father.

"Ah yes! So _you're_ the two men taking up all my daughter's time," the man said, coming forward with a glass of something in his hand.

Sirius swallowed.

"Sir?" he squeaked, clearing his throat as faint blush appeared on his cheek. Hermione arched an eyebrow, knowing it took a lot to get Sirius to blush.

"She can't seem to leave that house. She says it's like living with two professors, and I'm sure you know how much she likes to learn."

Hermione closed her eyes, trying to silently will both of her lovers to keep calm and not let their brains take them to the very visible yet thoroughly unintended double-meaning in her father's statement.

She found it interesting how much she could suddenly read into a conversation when the other person wasn't privy to the entire situation.

"She...er...is a _voracious_ student, yes. Moon- er, _Remus_ here actually _did_ teach her for a year, so he understands more than I do how much she...enjoys her studies," Sirius said, regaining control of the proper tone in his voice and tactfully passing the burden of attention onto his best friend with a triumphant smile, for which he received a scathing glare.

Daniel looked at Remus expectantly.

"You taught Hermione?" he asked.

Remus cleared his throat nervously.

"I...um...yes. Hermione's third year, I was..."

"_You're_ Professor Lupin?" the man interrupted, his eyes widening with realization.

"I...yes...but..."

"Well I'll be damned! Let me shake your hand, sir. I owe you a huge debt of gratitude!" Daniel said with a laugh, taking two steps forward and grasping Remus's hand. Bewildered, Remus allowed himself to be jostled by the larger man.

"I...whatever for, sir?" he managed to stutter.

"Oh, none of this 'sir' nonsense. Call me Daniel, please. I believe you were the only teacher who ever gave Hermione anything less than an Outstanding."

Remus blinked, and Hermione groaned.

"Dad, please," she said, but clearly Daniel had been waiting a long time to meet Remus, because he disregarded his daughter's plea.

"I was afraid she was going to go through life excelling at everything. Hardly a decent way to live. Skews perception, you see. But your class made her realize that she wasn't perfect and I am entirely certain that it is _your_ influence that made her lose that - and forgive me for saying this, sweetheart, but it's true - absolutely intolerable know-it-all attitude."

Hermione blushed as Remus gave a bemused smile.

"Ah, thanks…I think," he said, scratching the back of his head as he gave Hermione a sheepish smile.

Sirius grinned.

"That know-it-all attitude isn't completely gone, sir, just so you know," he said, smirking slightly at a slowly fuming Hermione while Daniel chuckled.

"No, I daresay it won't. It's a defining characteristic of hers, isn't it? Can be quite charming when it's not being used against you."

"Here here!" Sirius said, shooting another wink at Hermione.

Hermione took a deep breath. She had anticipated this part of the evening as the turning point toward absolute disaster. She had been so sure that someone would slip up and say something, and her father would become a blustering walrus and her mother a tearful wreck. She had almost counted on it, thinking that making it to the main course of the dinner would be impossible if neither man could get their nerves together.

What she hadn't counted on was them actually getting _along_ with her parents, nor the comfort they seemed to have pretending that she was nothing but their housemate.

She didn't know which she would have preferred more, as she watched the four of them fall into comfortable conversation.

Probably the blustering and tears.

Her luck didn't change much as the evening wore on, and she found herself getting more and more frustrated by the actions of the two men. Though she had specifically stated that she _wanted_ them to pretend like she was nothing more than a friend, the fact that they seemed so _comfortable_ in the roles was slowly starting to grate on her last nerve. It wasn't that she was insecure about their feelings toward her - Sirius had made his thoughts abundantly clear when his hand had "slipped" beneath her skirt during dinner, and Remus had offered to help her clear the table just to kiss her briefly and passionately in the kitchen away from prying eyes - but she was starting to realize that this would be her reality when the three of them were in mixed company, and she wasn't entirely sure she liked it that way.

Of course, the fact that her mother had been flirting with Sirius more aggressively the more wine she drank didn't help matters.

"Sirius, would you mind helping me with these dishes? I'm not as tall as you," Helen said as she carried a stack of clean plates out of the kitchen into the dining room, smiling winningly at Sirius and pointing to a high shelf that Hermione was certain they hadn't kept the china the last time _she_ had been there.

"Absolutely, Helen," he replied gallantly, grabbing the plates and extending his arms and torso in order to place them safely up there.

Hermione noticed that the angle made Sirius's arse look heavenly, and her mind wandered to the way it looked in a pair of tight leather pants, briefly regretting her alacrity at getting him into jeans rather than leaving him to his own fashion choices for the evening. Her lustful thoughts ceased immediately, however, when she realized that her mother seemed just as fascinated by the curved muscle as Hermione was.

"Bloody hell, 'Mione, I don't know how you do it, living with that man every day and not…" Helen whispered to her daughter, trailing off as her slightly-unfocused eyes gazed lustfully over Sirius as the man in question stood back down on his heels and turned toward them with another smile.

"Anything else you need me to do?" he asked.

"Oh yes, but unfortunately I'm married," Helen replied, to which Hermione's eyes widened but Sirius laughed jovially.

"An unfortunate fact for all of mankind, I believe," he said, shooting that sexy smirk toward Helen.

Hermione's nostrils flared.

"You really are quite charming, Sirius. It's a shame _you're_ not married," Helen said.

"I've never been the marrying kind. I adore pretty women entirely too much for it."

Hermione felt her shoulders tense as the cheeky Marauder had the _nerve_ to _wink_ at her mother.

"Shameless flatterer," Helen replied, hitting Sirius lightly on the shoulder as she blushed prettily.

"Only where deserved, Helen," he grinned.

"I'm going to see what Dad and Remus are up to," Hermione announced, spinning on her heel and walking out of the dining room back towards the sitting room.

She knew the minute she entered that she was going to regret it.

"And this is Hermione when she was four years old. I remember she wouldn't change out of that Minnie Mouse costume. It got so torn and soiled that her mother had to steal it off her in the middle of the night just to wash it," her father was saying, and Hermione was mortified to discover the resurrection of what she had assumed to be long-buried photos from her youth.

"Minnie Mouse, eh?" Remus asked with a grin toward her. "You liked the classics even then, didn't you, 'Mione?"

"She only liked the dress, mind," Daniel said before Hermione even had a chance to say anything. "I think she liked the polka dots. She never watched telly as a child. I didn't understand it. Her mother's addicted to _Coronation Street_, you know, _lives_ for her soaps. But Hermione never had any interest. Always had her nose stuck in a book."

"Nice to see some things never change," Remus said, his eyes shining with amusement. Hermione was torn between mortification at the fact that one of her lovers was seeing her at an admittedly embarrassing point in her life or relief at the fact that Remus had finally calmed down enough to truly enjoy himself.

The self-pitying side of her nature chose embarrassment, and her cheeks flushed.

"I sometimes wish she were that age again," Daniel was saying nostalgically. "I could just put her in a Minnie Mouse dress and the most I'd have to worry about is the dangers she might discover in the pages of Treasure Island or Jekyll and Hyde."

"Hermione!"

Silently thanking the gods, Hermione excused herself before her father could go into any more anecdotes of her depressingly uneventful childhood and returned to the dining room where Helen was laughing hysterically at something Sirius had said.

It was then that Hermione remembered why she had left the two in the first place.

"Yes, Mum?" she asked as politely as she could manage while Sirius stood not five feet away looking incredibly smug, knowing that she couldn't hit him for the expression on his face.

She did, however, manage to send him a glare that conveyed the message _Just you wait 'til we get home,_ which had the grin faltering slightly.

"Can you help me in the kitchen for a moment?" Helen asked.

"Don't you want Sirius to help you?" Hermione bit out before she could control herself.

Helen laughed, clueless to the bite in her daughter's voice.

"Nonsense, I'm sure I've taken too much of Sirius's time already. Sirius, darling, perhaps you'd like to join Daniel and Remus in the sitting room? I think Dan has some cognac in there."

Sirius smiled.

"I never say 'no' to a good glass of cognac," he said, and with a gallant bow, exited the dining room as Helen dragged Hermione into the kitchen.

"He's _perfect_," she squealed once the door closed behind them.

Hermione grabbed the nearest glass of alcohol, which happened to be Remus's untouched glass of red wine.

"Perfect for what?" she asked dully, taking a very large sip.

"For _you_, silly, he's perfect for _you_."

Hermione choked, coughing heavily as the wine went down her windpipe by accident. Coughing and spluttering, she looked at her mother as though she had grown three heads.

"I...he...what?"

"Sirius! Oh darling, he's wonderful and charming and smart and _devastatingly_ handsome...and don't look so surprised, dear, I _know_ there's something going on between you. I saw it at dinner - the way he looked at you. Don't worry! I won't tell anyone."

Helen winked, and Hermione got the sudden, uncontrollable desire to sink permanently into the floor.

"Mum...I...well..."

"I'm just saying, dear, should you decide to be more...how should I say..._open_ about your relationship with Sirius, you'll get no complaints from me."

"But..."

"How is he in bed? He looks like he'd be an absolute fiend. Is he?"

Hermione's jaw dropped.

"Mum! I can't _believe_…"

"Hermione!" her father's bellowing voice interrupted.

"Oh thank _God_," she said, almost running out of the kitchen toward the sitting room.

"Yes, Dad?" she said, appearing in the door of the sitting room just as Remus was showing Sirius her baby photos.

"Could you help me find the other family photos?" Daniel asked, not waiting for a reply as he pulled her out into the foyer.

"Dad, the rest of the photos are in the garage," Hermione said, wondering whether her father truly wanted to brave the mountains of cardboard boxes just to embarrass her more.

"Oh, I don't really need the photos," he said, brushing her comment aside.

She frowned.

"Don't you?"

"God no. I just wanted to let you know that I approve."

She looked at him blankly.

"You approve of what, exactly?"

He smirked.

"You and Remus, of course! Now don't deny it, pumpkin, because I've seen the way he looks at you. I admit, I was a little concerned about the age difference but he's so like you and yet different enough and if he can give you a lower grade and live to tell the tale..."

"Stop," Hermione said, putting her hand up as she tried to will herself out of the crazy, Molierean farce she seemed to have fallen into.

"No need to be cross about it, 'Mione, I'm telling you that I give you my blessing."

"Thanks, Dad, but..."

"'Mione!"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Hermione shouted, losing complete control of the tenuous sanity she possessed and stalking into the sitting room. Remus and Sirius arched an eyebrow simultaneously at her behaviour as Helen stood in front of them with a flaming dessert in her hands.

"Er...your mother made Cherries Jubilee," Remus said mildly, cocking his head to the side with a slight frown as he noted the tension in his lover's body.

"Your favourite," Sirius added, his eyes trailing on her for just a moment longer as he, too, noted the frustration she seemed to carry in her knit brow.

"Oh. Yes. Sorry, Mum. Thank you."

Helen looked from Hermione to Sirius and Remus and back.

"I...well...I figured you'd enjoy it more than just a regular cake or ice-cream," she said, looking extremely confused.

"Yes...thanks," Hermione said, willing the flush from her face.

Helen gave her a long look and Hermione got the sinking suspicion that she was comprehending more than Hermione wanted her to.

"Hermione, love, can you help me dish this out in the kitchen?" Helen asked.

"I...well..."

"Won't take but a moment," the older woman said, but Hermione knew better than to assume that the request was optional. Heaving a sigh, Hermione followed her mother and prepared herself for the worst.

"So," Helen said, trying to keep her voice conversational as she waited for the brandy flames to die down, "Seems like things are not what they appear."

Hermione swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry?"

Helen sighed.

"Do they know that you're sleeping with both of them, Hermione?"

Hermione blinked.

"I beg your pardon?"

Helen turned to face her daughter.

"Do Sirius and Remus know that you're sleeping with both of them? And please don't insult my intelligence by trying to convince me that it's not the case. I've seen the way that Sirius looks at you, yes, but the way you look at the _both_ of them speaks volumes, Hermione."

"Well...I..."

"I thought we brought you up better than to cheat."

"I'm not cheating!" Hermione shouted, immediately regretting it as she heard a brief silence in the other room.

"Oh no? So they both know that you're with both of them?"

"Yes."

"And they're okay with it?"

"Okay with it? They _started_ it!" Hermione cried, though from the look on her mother's face, she knew that that was not the answer she was anticipating.

"_They_ started it?" Helen asked slowly, her eyes narrowing. "What do you mean, _they_ started it?"

Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but found that she had no words to explain the situation. After all, it wasn't often that she was faced with the daunting task of explaining that she was sleeping with not one, but _two_ drop-dead gorgeous older men at the _same time_.

Especially not to her mother.

Unfortunately, her mother had caught on fairly quickly.

"Are you telling me," Helen said softly, her eyes level with her daughters, "That you are not only sleeping with two men, but you're sleeping with them _together_?"

"I...er..."

"Hermione Jane Granger!"

"Well, what do you expect?" Hermione finally broke down, crossing her arms over her chest petulantly. "I live with them, we're all single, and we're all attracted to each other. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"This...this is like something off of _Coronation Street_!"

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I guarantee that I'm not bringing to life the plot of a soap opera, Mum."

Helen opened and closed her mouth a couple of times but was unable to form a sentence. Hermione sighed, leaning against the counter and dipping her finger into the bowl of Cherries Jubilee, licking her finger as she savoured the sweet and tangy flavour of one of her favourite desserts.

Unfortunately, Sirius walked into the kitchen at the same time and, seeing her lick her fingers in a manner that even Hermione would have to admit as less than appropriate, his eyes darkened as he surveyed her for a moment with uninhibited lust. It wasn't until a squeak from Helen alerted him to the fact that she had seen every thought cross his dirty mind that a blush once again crept up the animagus's neck.

"I...er...Moony's a bit tired, 'Mione, so...we were wondering if you wanted to go," he mumbled, avoiding eye contact with a flushed and bewildered Helen.

"Yes," Hermione said definitively, pushing herself away from the counter and walking over to her mother. "Please don't tell Daddy. I'm not entirely sure he'd understand," she begged.

"I'm not entirely sure _I_ understand," Helen mumbled as she hugged Hermione absently.

"I know it's difficult, but..."

Hermione trailed off as she saw a glassy look in her mother's eye for a moment before the older woman shook her head and smiled brightly.

"Well, if you must go, darling, though it's a shame you have to leave so soon. It was lovely meeting your housemates," she said, ushering a very confused Hermione and a smirking Sirius towards the sitting room.

"Lovely meeting you too, Helen," Sirius said politely.

After bidding her father good-night, Hermione followed the two men down the front pathway, putting a good bit of distance between them and the house before gripping Sirius's arm and spinning him around to face her.

"What did you do to my mother?" she demanded.

Remus arched an eyebrow.

"He did something to your mother?" he asked, both looking expectantly at the grinning animagus.

"She had just found out about the three of us and then she went a bit…funny," Hermione said, ignoring the way the colour immediately drained from Remus's face as she kept her penetrating stare on Sirius.

"Oh, alright, I modified her memory," Sirius admitted, twirling his wand absently in his hand. "C'mon, kitten, she _knew_. What if she had told your dad, eh? I'm quite partial to my manly bits, and if memory serves, so are you, so I would like to keep them attached for as long as possible."

"Wait. She _knew_?" Remus asked, thoroughly confused.

Hermione heaved a deep breath.

"Mum thought I was sleeping with Sirius, then she saw how I looked at the _both_ of you and she figured it out. I _told_ you she was perceptive."

"Yes, but darling…_we_ weren't the ones that gave it away," Sirius said, a self-satisfied little smirk on his face as they started walking again.

Hermione chose to ignore his comment as she walked with purpose just a few steps ahead of them.

"Oh by the way," she said, glancing behind her. "Dad thinks I'm dating Remus. Exclusively." She smirked as Sirius gave a small scowl. "And he _approves_."

She winked at the smiling werewolf as she skipped a little, getting to the apparition point a few yards ahead of them and apparating back to the comfort of Grimmauld Place.

She felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist before she even made it through the front door.

"Very clever, little witch, allowing one parent to think you were dating one of us while the other thought you were dating the other," Sirius growled in her ear. "What'll happen when they talk to each other. Won't be so clever then, will you?"

"Oh, you fixed that for me," she replied, turning in his arms as she continued to smirk. "You modified Mum's memory, remember?"

"She's got you there, Pads," Remus said as he pushed the two through the door in order to close it to any prying eyes on the street.

"Damnit," the animagus cursed.

"Aw…it's not so bad," Hermione said, her eyes twinkling with a new, devilish idea. "If Dad thinks I'm dating Remus exclusively, then that means that _you_ are my dirty little secret."

She nipped his ear, feeling the involuntary shiver of desire pass through his body as she shot a loving smile to Remus, who stood just a few feet away.

"Merlin, woman, you really know how to pull me to the brink, don't you?" Sirius asked, turning her head to face him before crushing his lips to hers in a deep, needful kiss.

Hermione smirked as she felt Remus's hands smooth down her torso to settle on her hips as he moved in closer behind her, allowing her to kiss his best friend while still letting her know of his presence. She leaned back as best she could with Sirius attached to her lips, and when Sirius started to trail hot, open-mouth kisses down her neck, Hermione let her head fall back onto the werewolf's strong, broad shoulder.

"You two are gonna be the death of me, you know that?" she whispered as Remus softly ghosted his lips above hers, his breath smelling of cognac and breath mints.

He smiled, kissing her deeply while Sirius made quick work of her dress. She had stopped wondering how the men got her out of her clothing. As long as they did so with minimal damage – which had been an issue at the very beginning of the relationship – she didn't care how it happened.

Though she was fairly certain magic had less to do with it and more the dexterity the two men possessed.

Sirius's breath on her collarbone made her moan against Remus's lips, and she pulled away in order to suggest they move to a more comfortable setting. Both men were, as usual, two steps ahead of her and before she could breath, she found herself in Sirius's room, her calves hitting the black satin sheets that the animagus insisted on using.

"You know, I used to wonder why you bothered to wear underwear," Sirius murmured suddenly from her left, his lips teasing the shell of her ear as his hands trailed over her back, unclasping her bra and letting it slide gently down her arms as another pair of hands – Remus's – tossed it lightly aside before cupping her breasts.

"I ask myself that same question sometimes," she replied as she felt Remus insert himself between her body and the bed, his hands still cupping her breasts as his lips descended upon the nape of her neck, blowing softly against the sensitive skin while his fingers started to roll her nipples gently.

"I can smell you, little girl," Remus rumbled against her back, and her breath hitched as she realized it was just before the full moon, and his beast was pushing against his fragile resolve.

Breathing deeply, she turned her head toward what she assumed was Sirius, finding his lips ready for her as he consumed her, tongues duelling almost violently as Hermione shifted her hips against the werewolf's lap, letting out a tiny moan as she felt him hard and pulsing against her hot skin.

Remus's hands slid down to her hips, gripping them hard enough to leave a bruise or two.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, sweetheart," he warned, the edge still to his voice but she could feel him trying to control himself.

That was the last thing she wanted from him.

Sirius suddenly slid down her body, his fingers almost batting Remus's away from her hips as he started to roll her underwear down her legs. Remus gave a growl, his fingers biting just a little harder into Hermione's skin. There was a possessiveness about Remus that she found sexy, especially since it really only manifested itself in their sexual relationship.

"Sirius," Remus said, drawing the attention of the kneeling pureblood. "I want to taste her tonight."

It was a dance the three had played a few times. Usually, Hermione liked to have Remus to herself during his most primitive, but there had been times – like that night – when she craved the two of them together. The men knew how to operate together with her – beyond the first few admittedly-awkward occasions, they all knew each other very well – so when Remus made a demand, Sirius usually listened.

Slowly turning her body to her sandy-haired lover, Hermione gasped as he sat on the bed and jerked her closer, his nose pressed against her lower belly as he inhaled deeply. His fingers were still gripping her hips, but suddenly she found herself being lifted off the ground, Remus tugging her down as he leaned back against the bed. With a squeal, her naked body fell against his fully-clothed on, her thighs on either side of his muscular chest.

"Come closer, Hermione," Remus said, licking his lips as he lay back. "I want to taste you."

Looking up, Hermione saw Sirius climb onto the bed in front of her, and the sexy grin on his face drew her body toward him as if magnetic. When her hips were balanced above Remus's head, the ex-professor's hands held her in place, not allowing her to move any closer to the grinning raven-haired man who had somehow divested himself of everything but those sinfully-gorgeous low-rise jeans.

"Kiss me, Sirius," Hermione begged, body tight with anticipation as she felt Remus's breath on her upper thighs. As Sirius moved closer, Remus's tongue lapped at the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, and she sighed.

Sirius kissed her deeply, pulling her upper body forward slightly until she was pressed against his naked chest, her hands drifting over the beautifully-inked skin and caressing the muscles that would have any man of any age green with jealousy. He ran his fingers through her hair, jerking her head closer as he grabbed a fistful of curls.

Hermione gasped against his lips, body suddenly alight as Remus's tongue made contact with her throbbing clit. A guttural sound escaped the man's throat and all of a sudden his tongue was making rapid licks, fingers running up and down her thighs before one slid within her, making lazy circles before curling against the spot she had refused to believe existed before she had slept with the two talented men around her.

And still Sirius refused to stop kissing her.

One hand held her in place around her neck while the other ran down the centre of her body, outlining with the gentlest of touches the natural curves of her body. Fingertips teased her nipples, the fullness of her breasts, down her stomach and around her back. She moaned, legs starting to ache as the spring within her tightened, the sheer sensuality of Sirius's caresses and Remus's seeking tongue filling her body with currents of electricity that only the two men could bring.

Wrenching herself away from Sirius's lips, she looked him in the eye as she felt her body start to shake, her orgasm building quicker and quicker.

"I want to taste you while I come," she breathed, searching his silver-jade eyes.

His hands slid wordlessly down his body and unbuttoned the top button of his jeans.

Remus gave a long lap as he curled what appeared to be _two_ fingers within her and Hermione fell to her elbows in front of her playboy lover. Dragging herself up by sheer will, she felt a bead of sweat start to form on the side of her face as she swatted his hands away from his jeans, making quick work of the remaining buttons and pushing the denim down his slim hips.

His thick erection bounced in front of her, and she gave no preamble as she wrapped her lips around the weeping tip.

"Fucking hell…" Sirius hissed, hand going to her hair and gripping a handful as she bobbed up and down his shaft, taking more and more of him in as she relaxed her throat, trying to concentrate on anything except for the delicious feeling that was building quicker and quicker between her legs.

Another quick lap and twist of fingers and Hermione was on her elbows again, Sirius's erection pressing against her cheek as she tried to regain her breath, looking up to see Sirius's dark eyes almost glowing as he recognized she was about to come undone.

Gripping his cock with a small hand, she started to stroke him, eyes unblinkingly upon him as she licked the head, teasing him. He swallowed hard but met her unspoken challenge, keeping eyes contact.

Remus gave one more curl of his fingers and Hermione let out a cry, body tumbling over the edge with a force that took her by surprise. But she barely had time to recover before she was being heaved onto Sirius's lap, his cock teasing her quivering folds before she sank down upon him.

"Oh God…" she sighed, letting her head fall back as she started to ride the animagus. Remus appeared behind her, his lips conquering hers as her hips raised and fell, Sirius's hands gentler upon her hips but no less controlled. Remus swallowed her moans, kissing her as if he wanted to crawl inside her before pulling away abruptly.

"Lean over and kiss him, my love," he growled, and her body shivered, knowing what would happen next, craving it as she leaned down and kissed Sirius.

A gentle prodding, a cool, slick sensation, and then suddenly she was being filled by the delicious length of her well-endowed werewolf lover.

The three moved in a rhythm that they had cultivated in their year together. When one thrust in, the other moved out, so she was never truly free of the constant thrust and pull of their bodies. Her fingers entangled themselves in Sirius's hair while she felt Remus's soft locks tickle her back, his lips running up and down her spine as he thrust hard into her body.

"There's nothing sexier," Sirius said from below her, his eyes captivating hers. "There's nothing sexier than sharing your body, kitten…knowing that you'll come apart in my arms…"

"And mine," Remus whispered in her ear, his tongue running behind her ear and over her shoulders.

"Oh _Christ_…" Hermione groaned as she felt her body explode once more in the Wonderland of pleasure that she felt every time she gave her body to the two extraordinary men. Her skin tingled, her quivering walls turning into violent convulsions as her body shuddered in unparalleled bliss.

Sirius groaned as he arched into her, his hips hitting her pelvis as he shivered, coming deep within her. Two thrust later, Remus's arm curled around her as he held her still, his body heaving into hers as he found completion within her tight body.

They all collapsed in a heap of limbs, Hermione's hair spilling onto Sirius's chest as Remus rolled to his side, his hand running lovingly over her bare back. No words needed to be spoken. They had done this enough times that they could go through the rest of the night without speaking.

A bubble of laughter escaped Hermione's lips, however, and the two men suddenly found themselves looking at her curiously as she giggled in their arms.

"Moony, I do believe we missed the joke," Sirius finally said, casting an amused look at his best friend.

"I believe you're right, Pads," Remus replied with a grin. "Care to share, princess?"

She turned to look at him, a curl falling across her forehead as her hazel eyes sparkled with mirth.

"I was just thinking…my parents' anniversary party is coming up. I'm just imagining how the rest of my family will react to meeting you. My grandmother's probably the most perceptive and intelligent person I know."

Both men blanched as she descended into another fit of giggles until both men thought the best way to stop her was to make her moan instead.

They could worry about meeting the rest of the Grangers some other time.

* * *

_Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it._


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